Oktoberfest - A sobering experience

I got back from Germany today, having been at the Oktoerfest the night before. So now I have certainly done something that appears on numerous bucket lists. Not mine though, I'm not dying of cancer or global warming yet. If I had a bucket list, The Oktoberfest would of definately been on there, along with completing the Annapurna Circuit, and driving the length of the Pan American Highway.

Many people dream of going to this beer festival. A festival dedicated to intoxication! Whatever next? Someone not getting murdered in Midsummer! Either way, it was something that I had always a vague inclination to experience. Mostly so that I can make many connesieurs of beer envious of my trip. It's the thing to do isn't it? I guess that wins me some kool points.

Being in a mass swarm of Lederhosen was a rather fun experience at what is easily a contender for the world's biggest funfair. Rule of thumb dictates that you get drunk go on the numerous rides, throw up, then drag yourself back to a beer hall. The cheering echoing from every corner was only slighted ruined by the sound of ambulances rushing past every few minutes for the many inebriates. Most of whom were collapsed on the floor before the sun was even fully risen. And this was before I had even entered a Beer Hall.

Given that people had been queuing since 7am to get into each of the beer halls (there were loads), we had zero chance of actually getting into one, as we rocked up at like 4pm. But we held the trump card, luckily Matthew had a friend, who had a friend, who had an uncle, who worked in one of the beer halls, so after having been standing around for many hours we finally got into one. Please note, a lot of the festival is just standing around. The beer hall we got into was considered the baby of the beer halls there and therefore held a rather paltry 10000.

More walking around and waiting for a table to become free. It didn't, so we just barged onto one whose occupants had momentarily left, and sat ourselves down. Before I knew it, I was dragged up onto the benches and fearing for my life. My friend who, is, well, a lot bigger than me was jumping up and down like his life depended on it. For the next many hours I just had images of the bench just breaking and many gallons of beer going everywhere.. it was happening around us afterall. So there was little old me jumping up and down on the benches pretending I knew the words to a number of german toasts. However I was saddened to note that that HEEEEEYYYYYY HEEEEEY BABY..OH AHH I WANNNA KNOWWWWWW OHHHHHH IF YOU'LL BE MY GIRL *stab stab*, has not yet died out and was repeatedly played with the entire hall singing along. Oh and YMCA and I will Survive were also popular choices. What did get annoying after a while, was that at the end of every song there was this beer cheer. It got a bit boring after having sung (what I thought were the words- later found out I'd been singing gibberish) the damn thing more times than a googleplex.

Now, one thing I can't stand about the Germans is their weird love for sparkling water (mit gaz). I can't stand the stuff, and I don't see how it is refreshing. Anyways as I am on medication, I couldn't drink beer and because it was absolutely boiling, I asked for a jug of water..... And the woman returned with a 4 pints worth of sparkling water and charged me 7 euros for the 'privelidge'. Suffice to say, a lot of it was left....Seriously, it's like eatting copper.

My sober self did have a lot of fun though, just as much as everyone else! Needless to say, those Germans do know how to put on a good show...even if they do suck at winning certain other things :-)

Flying tips

I watched United 93 last night. I naturally was welling up with emotion. Such a tragic loss, but it did set me off on a loop.

We've all been on planes, and we've all had to sit there whilst the nice lady tells us to evacuate the plane and how to correctly blow into a whistle on a life jacket. All rather tedious and boring. I can't remember when I've got on a plane and actually bothered to listen. I always find the 'helpful' leaflet on how to maintain the brace position and to make sure I am not wearing heels when getting on an inflatable slide rather amusing. I like to think that Tyler Durden was a bit right when he said that the oxygen masks are merely there to make sure we are high in the event of eneviatable death. I'd rather go out high than screaming at the top of my lungs.

Which brings me to my point. Why the hell do they bother giving us life jackets? I can't think of a single air disaster where life jackets have even been used. Why? What use when it comes to a real life situation do they provide? As far as I am concerned the answer is none. Very rarely does a plane hurtling towards the sea land horizontal. Usually the plane sinks to the bottom, in which case you'll find drowning on the death certificates. Which means, these life jackets are only useful when landing and by landing I mean, gently.

When that plane landed in the Hudson, yeah ok, they may of been useful then, but by and large, most of the time, lets say 99% of the time, life jackets are pointless. Usually any sort of air disaster starts off with the plane high in the sky and then comes crashing down. So why the hell give us life jackets? It assumes that planes are constantly over water and are not going to be crashing into the ground. Most air disasters happen over land, which immediately makes a life jacket redundant. There is no point calling them a life vest when they are more likely to be the last thing the person is wearing when their body is found.

So I had a thought, why not provide something more useful? Like a parachute, or a modified version. At least that is going to give people a bit of hope before they go through the pearly gates at 600mph. At least a parachute can be useful on water and land. Of course attach some sort of bounacy aid, in case of a water landing, but it at least gives this new life vest a chance.

With a parachute, you can jump out regardless of the situation and have a better chance of survival. Sure, people would need to be trained in how to use them, but it's simmple. Hurtle towards the ground (screaming if you want), until a built in guage tells you it's safe to deploy it. Then roll when you hit the ground... simples.

Ok sure, you may say, you'll pass out when you are really high in the sky, but I'd rather that, than watch the ground get bigger at a ridiculous speed in my window whilst I am strapped into a chair. At least then, I felt like I actually make a concious effort and took responsibility for myself rather than in the hands of some pilot I don't even know the name of.

You may come back at me with, but I may get sucked into the engine, but hey these are all maybes, but at least it's not a certainty, unlike your certain to die if you stay in a plane going two times the speed of sound, hurtling through the sky, with it's nose aimed at the ground.