Please mind the gap

So I was originally going to write a post about how I get annoyed at morons who stand on the wrong side of the escalators. The ones, who stand there, look around and see a queue standing behind them, and in front of them the escaltor is empty. It surprises me how the little neurons in their heads don't fire up, and give a response of "I'm a total jack ass clearly these people are in a rush, they are Londoners of course, I'd better be useful and move the fuck over!". Now everyone behind him is thinking why is he not moving the fuck over!

I experience this all the time, and I can't imagine England is the only country that has escalators on the underground. I know for a fact they have escaltors on at least the Montreal metro. Now a tourist can't plead pig ignorance, because this same simple norm is repeated in Montreal too, and therfore I've decided is repeated the world over. Well we Englishmen are known to be able to create a line even when a line isn't needed, so in some more barbaric countries this act of courtesy may not extend there... I'll say the USA purely because it's a pretty screwed up place anyways. It's simple, stand on the right if you want to pretend you aren't a scummy Londoner who rushes everywhere, and run/walk on the left if you think your time is too precious to have to wait a whole minute for a tube.

So yesturday I went to meet some friends, and I felt like I wanted to shoot myself. Not because my friends are that soul killing, no the tube was a nightmare. London has got to be one of the most depressing places on earth during rush hour. Using the tube during this frenzy has got to be one of the worst ways I spend my time. What annoys me is that your packed in so tightly, yet some blonde haired bitch seems to think this is the best place to read a book. And obviously she can't have the book shooved in her face, so of course she extends her arm to a distance that suits her comfortably, while all the people around her would rather shoove the book up her. Seriously, the train is massively packed, and they want to read?? It's find if your sitting down, but not when you are standing up and 20 people are within your personal space, one of them being me.

Also, all the tube lines have their various colours. So why is the Central Line (Aka the red one on a tube map), replacing the red seats with blue ones???

Domestic Goddess? Nah- I'll pass you on!

For the first time in my life, laziness has actually screwed me over and I am not proud....my favourite dress is now lying in some landfill site in Newham.

I've managed to get through life being pretty lazy. I can count on one hand the number of times I have made a bed, and the same goes for having used a washing machine. Sadly I can't feine ignorance, I do know how to do both these things, but luckily the magic pixie fairies do these things for me. I made my bed twice in the first year of university. Yup twice, and I didn't even bother getting an undersheet for many months, it was only after a friend kept saying it was disgusting that I got one. I can make a bed, I just don't want to. Given that I am the only person sleeping in that bed too, I don't see why I should bother making it if it doesn't bother me. Being a domestic goddess could be my forte, if I cared.

So I get back from my travels around Canada and The USA and of course, after nearly two months EVERYTHING has to go into the wash. Que me walking around in cocktail dresses for a few days, and clothes that clearly hadn't seen the light of day in years. And with good reason to.

So on the rare occasion I am sitting there in the living room, enjoying a bit of Friends on the old soap box, there I see it. Looking into the conservatory, a whole row of dripping wet clothes, all hung up, and all purple. YES Purple! Everything was dyed purple!!! I run into there and see to my utter horror that it included my favourite, extremely delicate, very expensive dress!

Employing the knowledge I had of bleach, I ran out to spend a whole 91p on the cheapest bottle of bleach in Co-Op, and come back to fill a bucket with boiling hot water, and half a bottle of the stuff and dropped one of the dresses in. Now, I told friends my plans and they believed it wouldn't work. Well I can safely say, my once white dress that went a horrible shade of mauve is now whiter than white, even if it does smell very much of lime zest bleach!

So here comes the crux, the all important using of the washing machine. I pretty much figured my favourite dress in the whole wide world couldn't be saved, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to do justice to it, and damn well try! I did the only thing I could think of (which turns out to be wrong), and shooved it back in the washing machine on the hottest setting possible and ran several cycles until I admitted defeat. Yes, I used a washing machine, all by myself! No I did not fill the room with soapy suds (I did however use a ridiculous amount of vanish so the entirety of the washing machine drum was filled with bubbles with one single flimsy dress swimming around in it), no I did not have water draining all over the floor, and no the colour of my dress did not improve.

So adios fine friend, I shall lament the many great memories we shared :-(