Sacred?

Well this will probably have no real coherence to it. It will essentially just be one long ramble about shizzle on my mind.

A couple of weeks ago, sitting in Burger King with Jessica at Canary Wharf we were discussing relationships in general. Generally one hell of a girly discussion. It struck me, about the sacredness of relationships, or rather the lack of.

Around me, people I see, seem to treat them as nothing. Like people go from girl to girl, boy to boy, with little regard for the impact of the previous person in their life. Now ok, I get why, but at the same time, they treat it as if it was nothing. The ability to flit from relationship to relationship, sort of says something about your attitude towards relationships. Like it doesn't matter really who it is, as long as you have someone. Treating their girlfriend/boyfriend as little more than a glorified friend. Where is the DEEP spiritual, emotional, and mental connection? Nowadays its all about sex and just a bit of conversation. But a relationship is soo much more. Y'know, there is no sacredness in the relationship between a man and a woman.

Like the next person they date. The way they treat them, speak to them etc, the reasons they like them are just the same as the previous person, its just a differant name. I mean I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, and maybe I am completly missing something, I don't give a fuck, but I dunno, just seems a bit too generic, and relationships shouldn't be treated as a generic thing. They are soo much more.

Well rant over.

'There is only one reality, neither to be realised or attained. To say "I am able to realise something" or say "I am able to attain something" is to place yourself among the arrogant'

Happiness

heya, I want to give a short introduction to this one. This is the third in a series of my thoughts on happiness. The other two I hand wrote, and may copy them up to here, just to see how different my thoughts have changed within a matter of weeks, but that depends on how lazy I am. This one, is the most recent one

Happiness

It just occurred to me that maybe my approach in previous discussions about happiness is flawed. Not necessarily wrong (there is no defining wrong or right, its all subjective remember!, so hack my opinions to pieces if you want), but could be improved upon.

For a long time, I guess I always assumed, we should do things that we think would make us happy, a particular job, friends, money etc. However, there is a flaw to this. We do things which we THINK will make us happy. We therefore, don’t know whether they will or not until we have actually done them. What if they don’t? We are usually then just stuck in a cycle, thats hard to break from, for several reasons. Currently I have zero idea what makes me happy, but I know what doesn’t make me happy and so I’ve decided to try and do my best to avoid doing stuff which makes me unhappy, but this is difficult.

Pretty much, everytime I leave a bar, I am unhappy, I have to lie in bed for a couple of days, feeling like complete and utter crap, my self-esteem has hit rock bottom, I am snappy, irritated, generally someone to avoid. Why? Because I hate the way its a bloody meat market, you are just looked at as someone to fuck, not as a person, not someone they want to get to know, just as a bit of meat screw and never contact again. How depressing is that? Anyways, that causes me to be so down, but I still go to bars, knowing damn well what the outcome is going to be. So why do I still do it, if I know it won’t make me smile? Its called a comfort zone, you don’t necessarily have to like where you are, but you know how it will end, and its the whole risk, the fear of the unknown that keeps one trapped inside it. Therefore, I either need to adapt, or stop it. Again which is the easier?

However, thankfully, there are some things, I know will make me unhappy before doing them. Sex for example. I know that if I was to sleep around, have several guys on the go at once, I would not be happy. I would lose all self-respect, feel like crap, lose my dignity, and self-worth. I know I would feel hollow and unsatisfied and therefore would never do it. I however do have needs, and therefore, will sleep with the same guy continuously, but it would just be one guy. That would make me happy. I know though, that I can’t trust myself to even try sleeping with several guys, one night stands etc to just say I’ve been there, done that, got the cum filled t-shirt either. I know that once I have started something, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Again, I would be stuck in a cycle that I wouldn’t know how to break, again because the fear of the unknown, the risk, the change, etc. It would be too much, and therefore, would stick at something that makes me unhappy. And if your not happy, what is life worth?

I am the worst person to get advice from; I am no model when it comes to life, and so I am not going to start saying change your ways. That’s dumb, what works for me, won’t necessarily work for someone else. I guess my conclusion to this post, for me avoiding what I know makes me unhappy, leaves me contented. Not necessarily happy, but not unhappy either, which is better than being unhappy right!

First entry

Heya.

About a year ago, a friend's mother suggested that it would be a good idea if I set up a blog or something to just rant and rave in, so I could look back at where I was mentally. So I gave in today it seems. I have decided to publish something I wrote a while back and saved as a document but never gave much thought to it afterwards.

I guess my following entries will be about whatever, I will try and give some focus to them, as I have a habit of starting one thing and quickly changing it to something else. Also don't take my opinions as rock solid. As many of you know my opinions change a lot, and there is nothing wrong with that!