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Everyone asks themselves this question at some point, and I'm not about to write about my thoughts on what life is... I don't know...
When I was young, I heard all the fairytale stories about what we would do with our time on this planet. Grow up, get married, find your soulmate, settle down, and as the story goes... live happily ever after... But the plot is very differant in reality. But is that life?
I've recently been watching the Saw films. I find them really good, and I am most intrigued by the mind of John Cramer. He believes people need to be re-born to appreciate life.. He's asking them to appreciate the motions that they go through..but is that life? If it isn't, what is it? to him, if your only hearing then not really listening, then you aren't living, if your looking but not really seeing you aren't living. It's all just motions..but isn't that what life is physically? Going through motions? Because appreciation is an emotion, therefore life is merely an emotion.
People always seem to be reaching or striving for life, trying to get at it... as if to them, what they are experiencing now, isn't life. To me, trying to reach at something, is merely a dilusion if your reaching for life. If anything, it's trying to get reach an ideal, and idea about what would make them happy. If they have this, then this is life, and therefore it must result in happiness... So what if someone does reach what their ideal was? Do they have life then? If so, then life is merely about living out a fantasy. What if they aren't happy with their ideal once it's reached? By their own premise they are at life.. therefore they SHOULD be happy.. So do they live a lie? Claim they are happy, and realise that this isn't actually life? If so, what is life then? Confusing...
Some people spend their whole lives trying to get life..but again, what is life? We have answers coming from everywhere, yet nothing definite. Sometimes I think, is this it? Is my fight for survival merely life.. cos then, whats the point? Just going to die anyways...
Plus, if you had life..how would you know? Cos, when someone is like, oh you need to get a life, or I want a life..... they are really saying, they wish they had something to do.... i.e they are bored at the moment...so therefore, would life be, the absence of boredom.... But surely, to experience life in all it's richness, you would need to experience the full spectrum of emotions, including boredom..
But, what I find contradictory, is, EVERYTHING is merely a motion. Even if you have 'life', whatever you do in it, is merely a motion, and the result of a motion, is an emotion..which again lead me to conclude, life is merely an emotion... a particular emotion that you want to feel... All it seems, is that life, or rather the motions you want to go through, are merely ones you enjoy.. For example.. take a typical Londoner... they get up at crappy o'clock hour, and go off to work... sit at some desk, doing menial tasks bored out of their tiny little brains, and then go home and have fuck all to do..Some people would say that isn't a life.. Why? Cos the motions they go through aren't satisfying..
Sunday 1 November 2009
Friday 17 July 2009
We do things.
Humans, in the midst of an event never really listen to our emotions. It's only ever in the aftermath that we come to appreciate the signifiance of something, or the devastating impact something has caused.
During an event, it is more physical than emotional. We are more aware of what we are doing than how we are feeling. When we look back on something, we may feel differantly than to how we did during it. We don't listen to our emotions enough. It's only afterwards do we weigh up everything and our emotions react accordingly.
For example take a relationship, that ends. During the relationship, you may of held back, you may not of shown your appreciation of the other person enough. Whatever. It's only in the aftermath through all the bitterness do we come to realise maybe how much of a fool we had been. How much aware we are of the emotions we have/had for that person. Usually that's followed by regret, with ideas such as, if only I did/said this. If only...
It's important to be able to observe (but not necessarily feel- althought that's just as important), our emotions during an event, that way the outcome could end up being differant. That way, we can fully appreciate and absorb the experience. That way we are more connected with ourselves and that is important.
For me, mediation has been a powerful tool in being more aware. I can now observe myself better and understand things better. I can step back and just watch things as they pass, and not necessarily have to feel anything. I'm not promoting meditation as a tool for everyone, one person I know gets the same effect through knitting... (I know... weird!)
It's important for us to be in tune with our emotions fully. It is the only way we ever truely learn. By associating our emotions with an event we can conclude many things. For example, if you were scared and allowed yourself to fully absorb that emotion DURING the event rather than after it when the effect is less, then you are less likely to repeat that event, because the emotion would of been more substanstial, rather than some afterthought emotion.
Another thing I've come to learn is our our brains will block out at times the severity of an emotion in the aftermath of something. It's to protect us, but I've learnt that it's important to feel that burn. You need to feel that burn to fully protect yourself. For too long, I've blocked out emotions, but now I can see the damage they have done to me, and others. It's time to face our demons.
EDIT: I've been thinking a bit more about how our emotions affect things. When we look, we look with our eyes, but when we think, we think with our brains. Whatever the reality is, we attach emotions (sometimes, preset emotions) to things. It's the only real way we can process something. But what about when, we choose (maybe not conciously), the 'wrong' emotion to something. An emotion that will impact the way we see a future event. For example, take a person, they've done you wrong, and each time you see them, you seethe. But why? At that present moment in time, when you next see them, you seethe some more. But what is the reality? They've done nothing wrong, if anything, they could be doing something right, but you've chosen to cloud the reality with preset emotions. I realised what I'd been doing today. I can't believe how foolish I've been too. Me the science girl. I know better that previous experience is no basis for a future experience. I came to realise that I've been looking at things in the wrong light and maybe I'm the one in the wrong. I was in the wrong and I will be in the wrong. But now, I can alter the way that I think and see the reality more clearly, because I know what I've been doing wrong, so I can think now better. :-)
NIGHT NIGHT
During an event, it is more physical than emotional. We are more aware of what we are doing than how we are feeling. When we look back on something, we may feel differantly than to how we did during it. We don't listen to our emotions enough. It's only afterwards do we weigh up everything and our emotions react accordingly.
For example take a relationship, that ends. During the relationship, you may of held back, you may not of shown your appreciation of the other person enough. Whatever. It's only in the aftermath through all the bitterness do we come to realise maybe how much of a fool we had been. How much aware we are of the emotions we have/had for that person. Usually that's followed by regret, with ideas such as, if only I did/said this. If only...
It's important to be able to observe (but not necessarily feel- althought that's just as important), our emotions during an event, that way the outcome could end up being differant. That way, we can fully appreciate and absorb the experience. That way we are more connected with ourselves and that is important.
For me, mediation has been a powerful tool in being more aware. I can now observe myself better and understand things better. I can step back and just watch things as they pass, and not necessarily have to feel anything. I'm not promoting meditation as a tool for everyone, one person I know gets the same effect through knitting... (I know... weird!)
It's important for us to be in tune with our emotions fully. It is the only way we ever truely learn. By associating our emotions with an event we can conclude many things. For example, if you were scared and allowed yourself to fully absorb that emotion DURING the event rather than after it when the effect is less, then you are less likely to repeat that event, because the emotion would of been more substanstial, rather than some afterthought emotion.
Another thing I've come to learn is our our brains will block out at times the severity of an emotion in the aftermath of something. It's to protect us, but I've learnt that it's important to feel that burn. You need to feel that burn to fully protect yourself. For too long, I've blocked out emotions, but now I can see the damage they have done to me, and others. It's time to face our demons.
EDIT: I've been thinking a bit more about how our emotions affect things. When we look, we look with our eyes, but when we think, we think with our brains. Whatever the reality is, we attach emotions (sometimes, preset emotions) to things. It's the only real way we can process something. But what about when, we choose (maybe not conciously), the 'wrong' emotion to something. An emotion that will impact the way we see a future event. For example, take a person, they've done you wrong, and each time you see them, you seethe. But why? At that present moment in time, when you next see them, you seethe some more. But what is the reality? They've done nothing wrong, if anything, they could be doing something right, but you've chosen to cloud the reality with preset emotions. I realised what I'd been doing today. I can't believe how foolish I've been too. Me the science girl. I know better that previous experience is no basis for a future experience. I came to realise that I've been looking at things in the wrong light and maybe I'm the one in the wrong. I was in the wrong and I will be in the wrong. But now, I can alter the way that I think and see the reality more clearly, because I know what I've been doing wrong, so I can think now better. :-)
NIGHT NIGHT
Monday 13 July 2009
Blame Culture
We live in an age, where anything bad that happens is always someone else's fault, and generally where there is a blame, there is a claim. The Tv is awash with adverts for claims companies. Can't an accident ever just be an accident? That humans can't be perfect everytime.
Take for instance some kid who got really drunk and fell off a cliff. The parents are blaming everyone but their son. Their son, chose to go out. Their son, chose to get drunk. Their son, chose to go to those cliffs.
What about that kid who got sucked down a pipe in some pool in Thailand. The kid was a moron. He opened a grill over the vent to try and retrieve his google. Common sense would tell you that was dangerous. Yet, he still does it, and guess what, another death. Oh my heart bleeds for these idiots.
Yeah it sucks that someone dies, and of course it's heartbreaking for those who knew the kids, but comeon... These kids died through their own hands, and to try and lay the blame on someone else is just wrong. When there is blame, there is a claim, and guess what? A lot of compensation.
It's pathetic. Can't we ever be allowed to be responsible for our own mistakes?
Take for instance some kid who got really drunk and fell off a cliff. The parents are blaming everyone but their son. Their son, chose to go out. Their son, chose to get drunk. Their son, chose to go to those cliffs.
What about that kid who got sucked down a pipe in some pool in Thailand. The kid was a moron. He opened a grill over the vent to try and retrieve his google. Common sense would tell you that was dangerous. Yet, he still does it, and guess what, another death. Oh my heart bleeds for these idiots.
Yeah it sucks that someone dies, and of course it's heartbreaking for those who knew the kids, but comeon... These kids died through their own hands, and to try and lay the blame on someone else is just wrong. When there is blame, there is a claim, and guess what? A lot of compensation.
It's pathetic. Can't we ever be allowed to be responsible for our own mistakes?
Wednesday 10 June 2009
The Anglo Week- All 4 of the award winning editions
Issue 1
Publish at Scribd or explore others: Magazines & Newspape
Issue 2b
Issue 3b
Issue 4b
Issue 2b
Publish at Scribd or explore others:
Issue 3b
Publish at Scribd or explore others:
Issue 4b
Publish at Scribd or explore others:
Saturday 7 March 2009
Sore Throats
I can easily say that my sore throat has got worse dammit. I went out last night with Luke, and Matt and drank quite a bit.. urg!.. I'm going to be 19 on the 20th..oh hello.. I get them so easily though. I can run for a bit, and get one, anything can go down on my lungs, it's annoying.
Anyways, now is the most ideal time to write what I was going to write, no distractions and all.
Right, well I'm over him, in the sense that I'm over him..(actually I don't know what that means, but I feel it, which is good enough!). However, what I'm not over, and what I think was the crux of me going off on one, is purely the fact that I miss him as a friend. I miss him dearly as that, and that is all.
I can do the whole casual sex thing, I prefer it. I'd no desire really to be with him, I just liked him, that is all. Though the feelings ran very very deep, and I guess as much as I could handle it, it would have been easier if I didn't have those feelings. But I did, and being in denial about it, really didn't help.
I know I was very mean/horrible to him, and I know that I can't take it back, all I can do, is feel sorry about it. I do feel sorry about it. I guess, I reacted that way cos I was hurt, and I guess lashing out is the easiest thing to do. I was upset that I was losing him as a friend, and I didn't help the situation. I guess that although I could see what I was doing was destructive, my emotions got the better of me.
I spoke to him recently on the phone, and it was awkward for me, and him I could sense. But I'm in a good place now, and I can see everything clearly. I think one of my friend's was right, you gotta wait for the mental seasons to change. But I'd like to know him as a friend, cos he is a kool person... BOOYAH!.. got it in one!
Anyways, now is the most ideal time to write what I was going to write, no distractions and all.
Right, well I'm over him, in the sense that I'm over him..(actually I don't know what that means, but I feel it, which is good enough!). However, what I'm not over, and what I think was the crux of me going off on one, is purely the fact that I miss him as a friend. I miss him dearly as that, and that is all.
I can do the whole casual sex thing, I prefer it. I'd no desire really to be with him, I just liked him, that is all. Though the feelings ran very very deep, and I guess as much as I could handle it, it would have been easier if I didn't have those feelings. But I did, and being in denial about it, really didn't help.
I know I was very mean/horrible to him, and I know that I can't take it back, all I can do, is feel sorry about it. I do feel sorry about it. I guess, I reacted that way cos I was hurt, and I guess lashing out is the easiest thing to do. I was upset that I was losing him as a friend, and I didn't help the situation. I guess that although I could see what I was doing was destructive, my emotions got the better of me.
I spoke to him recently on the phone, and it was awkward for me, and him I could sense. But I'm in a good place now, and I can see everything clearly. I think one of my friend's was right, you gotta wait for the mental seasons to change. But I'd like to know him as a friend, cos he is a kool person... BOOYAH!.. got it in one!
Tuesday 10 February 2009
The eyes of J.T. Eckleburg.
"This is a valley of ashes- a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ahses take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally, with a transcendant effort, of ash-grey men, who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air. Occasionally a line of grey cars crawls along an invisible track, gives out a ghastly creak, and comes to rest, and immediatly the ash-grey men swarm up with leaden spades and stir up an impenetrable cloud, which screens their obscure operations from your sight.
But above the grey land and the spasms of bleak dust which drift endlessly over it, you perceive, after a moment, the eyes of Docter T.J.Eckleburg. The eyes of Doctor T.J Eckleburg are blue and gigantic- their retinas are one yard high. They look out of no face, but, instead, form a pair of enormous yellow spectacles which pass over a non-existant nose. Evidently some wild wag of an oculist set them there to fatten his practise in the borough of Queens, and then sank down himself into eternal blindness, or forgot them and moved away. But his eyes, dimmed a little by many pointless days, under the sun and rain, brood on over the solemn dumping ground."
How much does this echo our lives? How much greyness and bleakness sourrounds our lives because we lack morals? We live to party, and party to live. We take drugs, we get drunk, we are the social decay. I am no differant. Our lives are dominated by the need to satisfy our physical urges. I am no differant. We are judged not by ourselves, but by God. You are no differant. We live out our lives under certain ways, yet they turn greyer as each day passes, and the eyes dim even futher. Through sadness? Sadness at our waste? We are grotesque. I am no differant. We build our foundations on nothing solid, and they will crumble before our eyes. Our lack of meaning and direction, causes us to succumb even further to demoralistion. I am no differant.
Climbing out of a window rather than using the front door this morning was reather tedious..
But above the grey land and the spasms of bleak dust which drift endlessly over it, you perceive, after a moment, the eyes of Docter T.J.Eckleburg. The eyes of Doctor T.J Eckleburg are blue and gigantic- their retinas are one yard high. They look out of no face, but, instead, form a pair of enormous yellow spectacles which pass over a non-existant nose. Evidently some wild wag of an oculist set them there to fatten his practise in the borough of Queens, and then sank down himself into eternal blindness, or forgot them and moved away. But his eyes, dimmed a little by many pointless days, under the sun and rain, brood on over the solemn dumping ground."
How much does this echo our lives? How much greyness and bleakness sourrounds our lives because we lack morals? We live to party, and party to live. We take drugs, we get drunk, we are the social decay. I am no differant. Our lives are dominated by the need to satisfy our physical urges. I am no differant. We are judged not by ourselves, but by God. You are no differant. We live out our lives under certain ways, yet they turn greyer as each day passes, and the eyes dim even futher. Through sadness? Sadness at our waste? We are grotesque. I am no differant. We build our foundations on nothing solid, and they will crumble before our eyes. Our lack of meaning and direction, causes us to succumb even further to demoralistion. I am no differant.
Climbing out of a window rather than using the front door this morning was reather tedious..
Tuesday 3 February 2009
The art of silence
The Art of Silence is a damn good play. Arg, I can't seem to find a copy of it anywhere. Damn you Amazon!. You have actually failed me! *shakes fist in anger*
I like silence. It's such a beautiful sound. The sound of nothing. A time to be alone with ones thoughts, to absorb all that is around them. I spent part of today in a car with a bunch of people. One of the guys, was soo uncomfortable with the idea of no one talking, that everytime there was silence for more than a few seconds, they would start talking about incescent crap. Anything, and everything. I found it intriguing, how after knowing some of us for many many years, they still felt so uncomfortable to be around us in silence. For them, the silence was hell. A sign that all was not well. To them, silence wasn't natural. There is no right or wrong answer, but from a personal point of view, I love silence. I am just as happy to have noise, but at the same time, silence is just as golden. I didn't feel a need to say anything. Just was contented with the music on the radio. But clearly, this guy just felt so uncomfortable. In the end, I got fed up with them talking crap I just told him to shut up. They did thank god.
I got thinking briefly about this. Why are a group of friends, sometimes so scared to sit in each other's company with nothing passing between them? I have my theories, but whatever.
Also, why are De-icer's water based? Actually I do know why. But they are complete crap. I found my brother getting annoyed when the de-icer was taking forever. So, I just went to the kitchen cupboard, took out this jar of salt, and chucked it all over the car. Worked a treat. The snow/ice, just slid right off.
I like silence. It's such a beautiful sound. The sound of nothing. A time to be alone with ones thoughts, to absorb all that is around them. I spent part of today in a car with a bunch of people. One of the guys, was soo uncomfortable with the idea of no one talking, that everytime there was silence for more than a few seconds, they would start talking about incescent crap. Anything, and everything. I found it intriguing, how after knowing some of us for many many years, they still felt so uncomfortable to be around us in silence. For them, the silence was hell. A sign that all was not well. To them, silence wasn't natural. There is no right or wrong answer, but from a personal point of view, I love silence. I am just as happy to have noise, but at the same time, silence is just as golden. I didn't feel a need to say anything. Just was contented with the music on the radio. But clearly, this guy just felt so uncomfortable. In the end, I got fed up with them talking crap I just told him to shut up. They did thank god.
I got thinking briefly about this. Why are a group of friends, sometimes so scared to sit in each other's company with nothing passing between them? I have my theories, but whatever.
Also, why are De-icer's water based? Actually I do know why. But they are complete crap. I found my brother getting annoyed when the de-icer was taking forever. So, I just went to the kitchen cupboard, took out this jar of salt, and chucked it all over the car. Worked a treat. The snow/ice, just slid right off.
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