Second Law of Thermodynamics

This was actually an essay that I had to do for one of my physics classes. I am a christian, but I wasn't about to turn in a paper to my atheist teacher, cos y'know, I'd quite like a good grade :-)

The basic laws of science are meant to be fundamental, unchanging, and can be applied anywhere within our universe, however the second law of thermodynamics appears to go against common scientific belief concerning evolution. The second law of thermodynamics states that “In all energy changes, if no energy enters or leaves the system the potential energy of the state will always be less than that of the initial state ”, generally referred to as an increase in entropy of a system and therefore an increase in the measure of disorder. This is in conflict with evolution as evolution leads to increasingly complex yet more beneficial systems, which are less disordered, which suggests a decrease in entropy, which goes against the second law. There are numerous arguments discussing whether evolution breaks the second law or not, such as open versus closed systems, and is there a greater force at work in the universe.

The second law of thermodynamics is very important to science, and it governs all that scientists know of the universe. There is no currant way to beat this basic law, as the flow of energy is what maintains order and life throughout the universe, and is evident when organisms die naturally, as they have ceased to take in energy, therefore entropy wins.

Creationists argue that evolution is not possible, as “There is no recorded experiment in the history of science that contradicts the second law or its corollaries .” Naturalistic evolution requires that physical laws and atoms always arrange themselves into increasingly more complex but ordered arrangements. This implies that things are supposed to develop upward becoming more complex and orderly; evidence for this can be seen by looking at how humans have developed from apes to homosapiens. However, the basic law of science says the opposite should happen, and that over time, complex arrangements should become simpler, making evolution appear impossible in the real world, as the second law affects everything in the universe.

There is an argument which says that chemical compounds ultimately break apart into simpler ones, and do not become more complex in the long run. Outside forces can increase order for some time through large amounts of energy, but this is not permanent, and once energy stops being provided, processes return to natural disorder . Therefore all complex ordered systems will eventually become simpler and disorderly with time, thus increasing the entropy of the universe. Either evolution will get to a point where it stops and reverses, which would be in agreement with the second law, or continue on the trend it does, going against the second law.
For the second law to be broken, and evolution to forever work by continuing on the upward trend, creationists believe that there must be an extremely powerful force at work within the universe, such as a god, but no such force in nature has been found yet. Creationists believe that this force is bigger than nature and therefore can’t be measured.

The second law of thermodynamics allows for local pockets or systems where entropy can decrease (thus an increase in order), as long as there is an expenditure of energy somewhere else . For example, a refrigerator is able to produce order (such as crystals in ice), from disorder (random water molecules), as long as energy is used. Therefore it is possible for evolution to happen, as energy is being used to maintain this, such as by an embryo is able to produce order (a more complex system as it develops), by receiving energy from an outside source (the mother).
A number of scientists argue that evolution is possible through the use of open systems. By considering the earth as an open system , it is able to receive light energy from the sun, which “powers” evolution . Therefore, if we stop receiving energy from the sun, it would suggest that things return to simpler less complex systems, in agreement with the second law as energy would have to be spread more thinly. There is an argument which suggests that an open sun-earth system is not enough to sustain life. For example, when a plant dies, supplying it with energy, and other needs, would suggest that it would become alive again, thus breaking the second law. However, it is shown that supplying light energy speeds up the disorganization process of decay, which is when an organism is returning to its simpler compounds, even though energy is being supplied, which seems contradictory. Also by considering the entire universe as a closed system, suggests that there will come a time when all the energy is used up, and decay across the universe will set in due to lack of new energy being spread throughout the universe.


In contrast, by considering the conservation of energy it is possible for positive evolution based on how evolution is not a perfect system. Positive evolution tends towards complexity, but sometimes organisms de-evolve or become extinct as they are not able to adapt successfully to their surroundings, and die out due to entropy. Therefore it can be argued that life is just battling entropy, and the ones that aren’t good at this die out first, and they return to simpler systems/compounds. Therefore, other organisms are able to take this energy, which they can then use themselves to evolve and grow. This is an ongoing cycle, where organisms die out; their energy is broken down into simpler forms and then used again, which does not violate the second law, as order is being created from disorder, but that order will eventually be returned and reused, thus not violating the conservation of energy or the second law. This is all due to random adaptation, not a notable effort to evolve. Bad adaptations just collapse to entropy quicker, but ultimately each one dies out.

You could also argue that you could treat every organism or species as a separate closed system and within those they all die as entropy increases. The only thing different about treating the entirety of life as a closed system is the assumption that something has directly happened between species A and slightly improved species B. The only reason there is an improvement is because adaptation is random. They will still all die as entropy increases, hence extinction.

By not looking at the importance of closed/open systems and conservation of energy, it is easy to see why a number of scientists and people believe that evolution violates the second law of thermodynamics, as the idea of increasing complexity and therefore order, goes against the idea that organisms should become simpler to increase entropy. It is also argued that energy can’t be continuously added to a system to increase order, and once this stops, to comply with the second law, everything will return to a state of disorder, therefore the idea of a god is brought in to prevent this from happening.

However, by considering the idea of open and closed systems where energy is merely moved around continuously, and neither added nor destroyed then the second law is not at all violated . Order is created from disorder, but that has been an expenditure of energy, and this new order will eventually become disorder again in an ongoing cycle, so again the law is not violated. Therefore organisms can become more and more complex, and thus evolve positively, as long as energy has been expended, but ultimately they will die due to entropy. Therefore in a closed system there is always energy, and no new energy needs to be added due to the conservation of energy, although some of the energy will become less useful. However, in an open system, less energy needs to be expended as new energy is constantly being added.

In conclusion, evolution is possible, as although everything is still tending towards disorder, the complexity of an organism can still increase, as there would have been energy expenditure at some point, and eventually the organism itself will die, releasing energy which is then used again to create something more complex in an ongoing process. Therefore the second law of thermodynamics is not violated.

Spoiled

Y'know what, I'm spoiled.

I may not get what I want, but I get all my needs provided.

Which is more than can be said for a lot of people in this world.

I don't walk miles to a tap for water, I don't wake up in the mornings wondering whether I will be able to eat today or not. I don't wonder whether my children will be able to get an education, or whether I can keep them free from disease.

No I get to fill my bath tub right to the top and waste as much water as I want. I wake up in the morning, spoilt for choice over what to eat, then complain there isn't enough to choose from. I receive a top education and go to a good university. Granted I pay high fees, but I still have the oppotunity. My healthcare needs are looked after by the government and I know I am in safe hands.

Each day I am grateful for all the needs that are met. Being adopted, I know that I once faced a bleak future, but by some miracle I was adopted, and will forever be grateful. If I wasn't adopted, my needs as a human would not be met, but they are.

So yes, I am spoiled but so are each of us. We don't have to worry about things, and know we have a roof over our heads. All my needs as a human are met, but soo many millions aren't and this makes me sad.

Luck

Everyone says it's easy to forget how lucky we are to live in the Western world, and that we take loads of things for granted. It's true a lot of us do, and we always forget this, and yes it is a bad thing. I guess we can't help it though, we don't see poverty, death, disease every day now. We don't have to walk miles to get dirty water, we walk a few paces to a nice shiny tap. We live in a cotton ball world, far away from all the drama in places such as Africa and Haiti, and so all these bad things don't really resonate with us. I am just as guilty as the next person. I may be aware of certain things, but that doesn't mean I feel it.

I was born into a country where my future was very bleak, and unhappy. I was born to a woman who couldn't even support herself, and was living on less than a dollar a day (yeah I'm one of those stories!), but luckily I was adopted. I was adopted into a western household and given all that I needed, and each day I am grateful that I have soo much more than my fellow Sri Lankans who live in dire poverty. I am grateful that I am able to go to a good university, and not have to worry about where my next meal comes from, I am grateful that I have heating when it's cold, and not have a metal sheet above my head for a roof of a shack on the side of a road. I am very grateful that although I was born into poverty, I was plucked from it, but this is a rareity on the grand scale.

For everyone, we are not born with equal oppotunities, and it literally boils down to, where you were born. Where you were born for the majority decides your fate. And it shouldn't be that. If I wasn't adopted, then I would not have any of the things I have today, whereas because my counterpart in say the USA was born in the USA, he would be entitled to a first class education, and any problems would generally be resolved by the state. He has a safety net in the form of the government to provide for his needs should something happen. For a kid born in Zimbabwae, the story is so very differant.

It's a bleak realisation that being born in certain places decides whether you will get anywhere in life. In England, you can easily advance yourself through education, and we take this for granted, yet in some countries, education is merely a distant dream. If I was born in North Korea, man I would lead a life of suppression, under an autocratic government that is exceedingly corrupt, and have the threat of being taken to a labour camp (a gulag in Russia), should I say anything vaguely out of line.

With the whole tuition fees arguement, everyone is pissed off at the prospect of entering the professional life crippled with debt, it's shown that everyone seems to believe that they have the right to go to university, and I suppose if we have the ability, we should be able to, but for the vast majority of teenagers in this world, university isn't even a dream because it's that unattainable, because the state has no provisions for them. The West has definately become exceedingly greedy at the expense of other nations.

It saddens me, that a lot of people have soo much given to them, yet they don't make use of it, or seem grateful for it. I don't always seem grateful for a lot of things, I am not saint.

choices

All I've wanted to do all my life is be a bum.

Shocking huh?

Well not really. I want to have endless pots of cash, that allows me to travel all over this world. To me, this world is soo bloody beautiful, and amazing, and our time on this planet so short, that all I want to do is see it's true awesomeness.

But I can't.

I have to get a job, I have to do certain things and be a good citizen.

I feel sometimes that society is my judge, jury and executioner and I have to stay within it's confines to function as a member of society. I can't just fuck off for a few years with just a rucksack.

I hate the fact that I can't do what I want with MY life. I have options, but because of the way the world works (due to the way humans have decided it to be), I am limited.

Why should I allow my responsibilities towards society stop me from doing what I want with MY life? The simple answer is because I have to. I am a sheep.

London

It's easy to fall in love with somewhere, and then forget about where home is. It's also easy to fall in love with someone but very hard to fall out of...

ANYWAYS.... tonight I was reminded of home and why London is what it is. The greatest city on earth. Walking around Picadilly Circus and seeing the 1000s of people who descend on her each night, and cluster around the fountain, seeing the atmosphere, the people, all walks of life together, it was truely breathtaking and man I haven't smiled like that in AGES.

For the record, the Criterion which is like directly in front of the fountain is shit hot! Well expensive...and to cap it off, my brother is a chef there! How kool is that, he is literally working on top of one of the koolest spots in the UK!

But back to the point, I felt all the feelings once more that I hold dear in my heart when it comes to London. I felt proud to be a londoner, go on Cool Brittania for it does exist.

It was soo wonderful to see the party that is London at night come alive again. It has really been too long. I remembered why I fell in love with the place, and felt sad and guilty that I had for a while disowned it.

Say whatever you want to say about Londoners, that we are rude, impatient, stressed out rats etc. But y'know what, until you become a Londoner and live the life of a Londoner, you won't know how much a wonderful breed of people we are. Yeah we may rush around but my gosh London is where it is at. Some of the nicest, lovliest people I have ever met are Londoners.

I was literally just standing in awe outside the Criterion tonight (I wanted to try and blag a free dinner only to be rebuked by my brother on the phone with him working inside and me out in the cold with, it's a nice place y'know!!), thinking my gosh I've never been so proud as now to be a Londoner, to be able to experience things that only happen in London.

Also I found it amusing to see a road sign labelled, Central London X miles, The North X miles. Told ya, anywhere outside of London is the North!

We'll rise again
We'll rise again
We'll start again

Like they rose from the dead again,
Such thoughts move straight through their head again,
Blessed as the children of men,
Who saw that swords strike less that the pen.

Surfacing from primordial waters
We are the sons and daughters of Rawkus,
Take your pretence to the slaughter,
Leave adversaries hung, drawn in quarters.

As we awoke that morning, yawning,
Blessed with a new skin forming,
Eyes squinting, claret still pouring,
Fists clenched, grasping, crying out calling,
Lungs gasping, absorbing endorphin,
We this unsuccessful abortion,
Spartan spawn, sworn,
Raised for warring,
All told and we're reborn again.

I don't need their eyes on me,
I don't need no sympathy.




There is something rather refreshing about being lashed with water, thrashing against your face in the dark. What is not so nice is peeling off soaking wet skinny jeans....

general paths

We all come into this world with only one thing for certain, we will die one day, and hopefully that day will be many moons away. What we do in between those moons is pretty much undecided, just that we will be paying tax on it.

I suppose our paths in life are vaguely set in stone, stop being a baby, go to school, then uni, find a job, settle down, have kids, and then take up gardening.

However, when did life ever run that smoothly?

I thought when I was a teenager (ahh yes days gone by!), that I'd go to uni, do some degree and then get a job in London somewhere. But hey that clearly isn't going to happen within the next few years.

Sometimes even a small trip can really open your eyes to things. My trip to Canada was meant to be some lil holiday, go there, come back, done. But after a day, I guess everything changed. Life changed. Perspectives changed. What I wanted changed. These things can't be helped, but I guess I found where I really wanted to be, and well now nothing is going to stop me. I am a machine!!

It amuses me, less so about everything that went down, but the way it affected me. Just the whole attitude I now have, the way I look at people and things. The way I look at myself. All of this soo unexpected yet thrilling.

It just makes me smile and think how lucky I am.

Death...again!

I find death an intriguing thing. Mainly because I wonder what it feels like, what happens after death, and what is death really?

I find it odd how someone can be there one second and then not anymore. When my friend died, I was very much aware of his death and was/am still very upset by it, but at the same time it feels soo surreal. Some guy who I've written letters to, shared private details about my life with, well it's hard to imagine him gone. Afterall, I never met the guy, never heard his voice etc. At the end of the day he was a friend a good friend. But all I had were his letters written with his hands. It's surreal to think that the hands that wrote these letters aren't there. That another letter from him won't appear on my doormat. It's soo surreal because it feels soo far away what happened. It's weird to think of him gone. I have all the letters he ever wrote and it just feels odd really odd. If I was to write a letter to Polunsky it would still feel like he was getting them, when in reality they would most likely end up in the bin.

I was at a funeral yesturday and it was such an odd reality to be in. My grandmother was someone I remember from my childhood vividly. Someone who would always make sandwiches and have horses at the bottom of her garden. Always sit on a particular seat and always walk us to the bus/train station when we left. It's an odd feeling not to think of them still doing these things, not being alive I suppose. What scared me even more was the idea of a cremation. A body that was once alive, full of memories, experiences, opinons a WHOLE life, going up in flames as if the body meant nothing. Y'know this was a person, someone important and you've essentially taken a match to them.

I'm not trying to take away any respect from the dead or anything, I just find the whole thing bizarre. You spent gosh knows how many years on this planet, walking around, doing whatever, living a life, creating friendships/love etc, and at the end of the day, you end up in some box... Just seems VERY disrespectful of the person's life.

All's well in Obamaland

So I visited the USA for the first time yesturday, and well it didn't disappoint, that is, every stereotype associated with this bunch of fatties is true.

1) Just getting into the country required a lot of time, and ridiculous formalities. Queuing for AGES and made to fill in a form in which I promised I was not a terrorist, a Nazi sympathizer, or a murderer. Was told in no uncertain terms that I wasn't allowed to move from a certain spot whilst a police officer got a green card for me. When she is carrying a gun, you tend to do what they say, and reply with yes or no to keep things simple for them. Taken into a large room to be finger printed and mug shotted, whilst having the car keys taken off you just in case you decided to jump border. Then have to pay $6 for some reason...maybe to pay for the 100s of security cameras that greet you when you are at the border crossing. It seems they are a very anti social country...

2) Literally two minutes after crossing the border there was a Macdonalds, and well when standing in the car park of Target, you could actually SMELL the grease and fat in the air coming from the shopping centre. Going through the door, I was naturally greeted by a ridiculously fat person whose fat was mainly hanging off a bench, maybe the 3m walk from the fast food joints to the door was tooo much.

3) Using an ATM was a bit awkward. In Britain and I am sure every other country in the world, they assume we are able to remember to take our credit cards out of the machine. Not in Obamaland, where before any transaction of any sort, even before you enter your pin code, you have to remove your card from the machine, so that you don't forget it later on.

4) Everyone is ridiculously friendly to the point I could suspect them of being peadophiles....

5) When trying to get lunch, I was warned that all I would be able to get was fast food. Indeed it was true. An entire mall filled with fast food joints, and the 'fresh' italien food....welll yeah fresh many days ago! I ate at a place called Taco Bell for the first time, and nothing could be tasted through the fat, and that was considered the healthiest thing there! It gave me a headache :-(

6) That being said, where I was in New York and Vermont was very pretty... however I get the assumption we were lied to at Ausable Chasm. We visted this nature park place, and the route was apparently two miles. My ass it was two miles, maybe a mile, if that... I guess they lie to these fat Americans to make them feel good about themselves.

Michael Perry

6/29/2010 8:57pm

To my family, my supporters, the world,
Let us never forget...Love...Light...so so many smiles...We have all shared this together, or with someone in this world, at one time or another. So let us not forget the good times. Life is a battlefield, and as someone once put on my page, “even the strongest warriors, bleed on the battlefield...” Apparently, it is my time to bleed...
So be it, but wounds heal. Maybe not in this life, but in the next, be assured that my wounds, no matter how grievous, will heal...I will rejoice alongside my father, so let us not forget.

So many amazing people make up this world of ours, yet we tend to focus on so much negativity, hate, destruction...Why is this? When you open ANY newspaper today, what do you see? It’s all about crime, oil leaks, scandals, wars etc...so why would one even want to read such negativity??? Negativity will breed negativity, so the world remains in a negative state of affairs, Yes, so many wonderful people make up this world, trust me, i know...Iam friends with many of them :) A friend of mine from England, recently gave me one of the highest praises i think that i have ever received, when she compared me to Gandhi!!! But she reminded me of a famous quote of his “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”. If you want to change in this world, if you want to see peace, if you want your friends and family to come back home from a pointless and endless war, if you want the economy to recover, the change starts with you. If you don’t know how to love yourself, or others, how can you expect others to?? If you continue to make war with others, to praise and support violence, how can you expect the wars to end?? For us to find peace?? If you continue to handle your money, in a poor fashion, instead of enlightening yourself to your financial situation...if you continue to allow government to spend YOUR tax money, to ruin our economy etc etc...how can you expect change?? Change comes with you...

I have learned A LOT in my time as a hostage...i learned about corruption, and that it was not just in movies, when i was arrested, beat and sentenced to death, for a crime i did not commit. It’s irrelevant WHO committed it, i DID not. So i learned a lot that day, and the day i was sentenced...

I learned about unconditional love, when my mother and father stuck by my side, regardless of what horrible crimes i was accused of. At a time when they did not know what to believe, they gave it to GOD, and just loved me.

I learned about FAITH, that day, and many days to come, from my parents, as well. My father, may he rest in peace, told me a story one time...He said that he went to the church after my arrest, really torn up about everything, and he talked to our minister, who at the time i believe was Mike Lindstrom...He told him: “Mike, i don’t know what to do, my son is accused of a horrible crime, but even if he is guilty, i love him completely...” Can you imagine such a love??? Do you know what Mike said??? He said: “Now you know how God feels...” God loves each of everyone of us, no matter what we do...how many times we do it. He loves us. My father’s and mother’s love for me, is this great. But they taught me about faith, through their actions.

I learned about Texas death row, since i’ve been held hostage...i learned that its misrepresented...That politicians keep the public in the dark about many things. That it’s cheaper to give us life sentences, then to execute us... That its tax payers wasted money, spent on this...that, while death row was housed at Ellis unit in Huntsville, and had access to box cutters, straight razors, etc on a daily basis, they had less incidents of violence, then others locked in the same environment. NO TDC officer was ever murdered, according to my information, while DEATH ROW was open...yet, we are too dangerous so we must be slaughtered, like dogs with rabies???

I learned that the guys here on death row, have hearts as big, if not bigger, than most people i met while free. They will not let someone get hungry, they won’t leave people out, they will not allow people to feel sad or abandoned, and if you need it, all you have to do is ask...It was amazing to learn this. I was not on death row 30 minutes, when guys were sending me soap, toothpaste, food, clothes, etc etc everything i needed to make it until i could get on my feet...Never once asking me for something in return...these are the monsters you wish to slaughter...

I learned about the LAW, from a muslim friend of mine, named Adbullah (Randy Arroyo) who ended up getting a life sentence...He taught me how to fight my situation, how to be a man and not a child swinging blindly in the dark. He opened my eyes, and enlightened me to the tools at my disposal. I’ve since learned that the law, makes very little since. It’s not EXACT, it varies from situation to situation, no matter what politicians and D.A may try to tell you. My co-defendant got convicted of murdering three people, and got a life sentence; i got convicted of killing one person, and iam to be slaughtered for this, July first, at 6pm...Justice??? You decide, its beyond me...

I learned what TRUE love is, while on death row...Iam talking about a love that is strong enough to bring you to your knees...A love so strong that to this day, when someone says the name of my soulmate, it makes my heart jump. I learned what it meant to be willing to die for your soulmate, what having a “other half” means. I learned about the difference between love and lust. The difference between a REAL woman and a girl...I was taught that inner beauty can shine even brighter then outer beauty...I then learned that you should never take your other half for granted...you never know what life has in store...That you have to put your love before the “wants” and sinful desires of your heart. I learned this the hard way. I learned the pain of being separated from your soul mate, and eventually I learned how to “exist” without her. I cannot say that iam “living” because without her, i do not feel whole.

I learned what its like to have REAL friends, and people who care about you. What a honor it is to have such amazing people stand side by side with you in a struggle to save my life. The amazing feeling when someone writes you and tells you, “stand strong Michael, we believe in you!!!” How humbiling it is to have so many people, from around the world, tell me they believe in me, they are fighting and praying for me, and how i have touched and changed their lives...It’s priceless...To have people fly 5,000 miles, just to spend a few hours with me, behind some glass, talking through a phone??? Can you even imagine?? People that probably can’t even afford to do so, but care so much, they do it anyway...TRUE friendship...I have learned what TRUE friendship is.

I have learned the pain of losing someone you loved and respected more then any other man alive...the pain of losing my father. The greatest man i have ever met. The pain of realizing the famous saying “you never know what you had until it’s gone...” I had so many things, in my father...A role model, a friend, a teacher, a minister to my faith, a coach, a rock to lean on when i just could not do it myself, a protector, a guardian angel...My father was so many things, to me, and countless others. He touched everyone, and anyone that he knew. I learned this pain, in a very real way. I’ve lost my soulmate, i’ve lost the greatest man in my life...i’ve learned about pain, and loss, since being held hostage...

I’ve learned about strength. I have learned what the saying “real men cry” really means. That tears are not a sign of weakness, but they are signs of different forms of strength. Iam not held in a place where many share tears openly but those who do, are the strongest men in here, to me...I’ve learned that strength isn’t about the size of your arms and muscles, but the size of your heart and compassion...the size of your faith for Him, who created ALL...I learned what it means to truly care about all beings, all creations, a good friend from England taught me this recently and it was a very profound experience...you can ONLY live in the “now” so ONLY YOU can affect YOUR now...does it make any sense to you at all, to purposly create a negative “now”??? :) So smile, laugh, hug, jump for joy and click your heels! But do not be sad, do not be depressed, upset, mad, angry, frustrated, or any of the many tools of Satan, to spread negativity. Create your own “now”, as my friend Dazza taught me, and make YOUR “now”, a positive one, and you know what??? In turn, you effect everyone around you, to hopefully make their “now” positive as well. Be the change you want to see in others, in the world, as i said earlier.

I have learned about forgiveness, and the importance of being close to your family. Another lesson that i have learned recently. Seeing my family brought me such joy these last few days, its so hard to express. Seeing how much my cousins have grown, the bound between my aunt and my mother, how my brother has turned into a good man, someone iam proud to call my brother...and my mother...I don’t even need to speak on mighty mouse, for anyone that knows, understands. Haha as they say, where there is a great man, a greater woman can be found!!! Hahahah yea yea mom, don’t eat that up too much!! ;-) BUT i bet dad’s smiling !!! ;-)...Speaking of, i learned from my father, that a woman is ALWAYS right, and booooy was he right, jeez! ;-) My family is inspirational, and my father is still with us, in his own way, his presence will ALWAYS be felt, for he TRULY lead through his example and many have learned because of it.

I guess last, i have learned what it means to be at peace....complete peace with life, and possible death. I have zero fear, zero worries...I don’t believe in “no regrets”, to me that’s crazy!!! But iam at peace...iam a much better man, today, then i was in october 2001....Iam a MAN now, when then, I was , but a child who thought he was a man. Iam a even better man, thanks to all of you who have blessed my life with so much! First and foremost, My heavenly Father, who makes all things possible! My earthly father, you can now read my heart directly, words are not enough...mighty mouse, better known as mom ;-) I apologize for all the pain i have put you through, I just didn’t understand....

Ryan, we shared many good times bro, more than most people know, or would believe. I have seen a side of you that probably no one else has, and i can tell you how blessed I feel to have seen it, the REAL you. I wish that you would bless the world with that person, man, you would shock some people! ;-) you are SUCH a funny person!! Just today i was trying to explain how funny you were when it was just you and me, then when you showed up, BOOM the first damn thing you did, is make me crack up!! hahaha (when you were talking about the supreme court justice!) I love you Ryan, iam proud of the man you have become, please, please, don’t think that i love you less because of your years of distance...I understood, trust me. I’ve never regretted one time in my life, having you as a brother. I remember one time, when we lived in Kingwood. Me and some guys i don’t remember who, were trying to let the air out of another kids tires, not sure why, because its what kids did back then, but a BIG kid showed up, and asked us what we were doing, and the first thing that came to my mind was: “umm, do you know Ryan Perry??? Wellll...he is my big brother!” and i SWEAR to you, that kid turned around and went straight to school!!! Hahaha So even when you don’t know it, you are looking out for me. I pray that you will take care of mom, if i am to go and be with father. She is in great hands.

Anne & Jayne...i don’t know what to say...you two have turned into very beautiful women...ok ok ok YOUNG women ;-) I am very sorry that i brought this...drama into your lives. I did not ask for this to happen, and i apologize. I wish that we had more time, now that you two are back in my life. I have always kept track of you two, prayed for you etc...You may not have known, but i ALWAYS kept track of your lives, i knew when you broke up with Nick, Jayne, and wanted to kick his ass (ok ok, he would have probably hurt me, BUT, i would have talked bad to him on the phone!!!) Iam serious, i was pissed when i heard about it, even though i had no clue what happened ;-) Iam VERY glad that he manned up, and smartened up, and realized that he needed to put a ring on your finger before he lost the best thing that could have happened to him! It made me want to cry when today, as SOON as i mentioned you getting married, the biggest damn smile i have ever seen, was on your face!! :) THAT is the smile that i want to always be on your face, and NICK, if you’re reading this, you better keep that smile on her face, oooooor...i will HAUNT YOU!!! ;-) (by the way Nick, the sooners suck, go BIG RED!!!!)
Jayne, i remember all the good times we had, since your sister and my brother never let us hang out! Hey, now that i think about it...i remember when you hooked me up with the big chick! Hah, on the phone, remember??? When i was in Nebraska! I remember how you used to be like a fish and swim all the time at our house, remember always going to the movies with your mom, i even remember dancing with you at marnies wedding when we were REALLY young! I cherish all of our memories, and will take that image of your gigantic smile with me and share it with my father, with nanny, and watch over you always, as you grow in life, and hopefully have 10 grand babies for your mom and my mom to spoil!!!! ;-) Live life to the fullest, Jayne, always know you’re in my heart, thank you for being the cousin, and the FRIEND, that you were to me, and never looking down or judging me for my difficult times. May God bless you and Nicks marriage, for a long, long time!

Anne, Anne, Anne...see, iam gonna have to lecture you, because see, you just never told me about these parties! Ooow, you better be sooooo glad i can’t get a hold of that picture of your “slip” at “the” party! ;-) because i would have placed it allll over my facebook and myspace and said, HEY, ITS MY COUSIN!!! :) i can’t believe you did not slip my address to one of the bunnies!!! “psst, hey, you, the one with the big fake boobys, here is my cousins address, yea, i said address, not number, you see, he is, umm...kind of texas death row, but trust me, write him, he’s a catch!” hahahaha Why are you laughing at me?? Are you laughing at me Anne?? :) ok ok, so that won’t work...Oh crap, i JUST remembered the time when i umm...borrowed those ciggies from that store, and the guy you were talking to was the manager or something??? And i just straight pulled them out and said, hey, look what i got?? Haha OOOPPPSS!!! Ok ok, so that goes down as one of my not so bright moments, geez... :)...you have one of the biggest smiles of anyone i have ever known, you and your sister, but every picture i have ever seen of you, you are smiling so hard it looks like your neck hurts!!! That’s GREAT!! A smile is one of the most powerful things in the world, so continue to share your beautiful smile with the world, never take for granted how it can change lives. I pray that you can find true happiness like your sister has, but even if that’s not in marriage, just be happy with life! You truly seemed to be doing great, and that made me happy. Thank you for coming and testifying for me, for coming to visit me these last days, and for never looking down on me, you have always been a very special friend to me, and will always have a place in my heart, as i look down on you from heaven! And don’t worry, i won’t let you fall at the next party! ;-) I love you!

Aunt Joy...my second mother...you have always been there for me, and i was thinking the other day, have you ever been upset with me, i mean, in person?? I can’ remember a time you ever were, but i think that is just because you handled me so well. Always had a “plan” to keep us kids active, movies, sodas :) etc A LOT of my good memories, are with you and your daughters, while i was visiting for various reasons. The zoo where the monkey was eating the gum, included. Your house always felt like...home...to me, i always felt welcome, no matter what i had recently been into. Just like your daughters, you were always loving towards me, and never judgemental, i can’t tell you how much that meant to me, even if at the time, i took it for granted. Through the years, you have continued to be here for me. Most importantly to me, though, is the fact that you are the best sister anyone could ask for, towards my mother.

Wow, this is going to last me forever, isn’t it??? And i just know, if i leave someone out, they are going to feel bad, and i don’t want that...hmmm. Well, iam just going to have to make it short, i don’t have enough time, i have so many wonderful people in my life, i can’t possibly cover them all!

KEN, my brother and friend, we have had our ups and downs, but that’s what makes our friendship so much stronger. Because we have over come all of it. Without your help and support, i don’t even want to think what things would have been like! You got me so much support, legal, financial, moral, media, etc etc..it’s amazing! You are one man wrecking crew my friend! You were also my protector, never allowing anyone to disrespect me, my family, or friends, and iam so grateful for that! We have had some great times, you have always made me laugh, and allowed me to yell and beat you up in my letters, so i could feel better about myself!! :) Thank you for that, you know that it was never serious, right?? Pumpkin head?? I mean seriously, you do realize your head looks like a damn pumpkin, right?? ;-) haha ok ok, admit it, you laughed!? Hell, if my head looked like that, i would be crying!!! Hahaha ok ok, iam on a role, let me stop...you and me know, and that’s all that matters in the end bro, do you understand? We have fought the good fight, but never let these people take your happiness, hear me?? Never let them take your peace, because then, they have really won and we can’t let that happen, keep the fight alive bro, but don’t lose your peace, you have won the battle TWICE now, and you know what i mean, i am so proud of you for that, you can’t imagin! Don’t give in, keep fighting, lean on God, and you can’t go wrong. I may die on the first, but iam forever going to haunt you, you already know that! When your ceiling in the kitchen starts leaking again, that’s going to be me...well, nevermind ;-) but you get the pictures, iam not going anywhere but the next world up. Get yourself right with God, bro, and i will see you again in about 50 years! Thank you for always being there for me, always being understanding. You were definitely a real brother to me, I love you.

Marco, Stephanie, Darren, Natalia, Bev, Christina, Robin and everyone that right now, iam just too tired and worn out to remember, i know that there are so many of you out there! Please, know that i love each and everyone of you, and there really are not any words to express my gratitude, this is just my weak attempt at letting you know that are you are loved and appreciated.

Marco, brother, you know that i love you and appreciate all the spiritual strength that you always gave me! Iam going to go fishing in the clouds, and will see you again one day! KEEP THE FAITH!! Thank you for EVERY SINGLE PENNY you and your friends donated, please send my love to Friar Fabio, let him know that i go with God and with peace in my heart...Please let the commitee know that i thank them...they did what they could, and it’s not their fault, or the expert we hired. The expert proved i was innocent, the courts did not even read it...welcome to texas...

Stephanie, my babygirl, the lioness...i have not known you very long, but in the short amount of time i have known you, you have been AMAZING!!! If i would have met you earlier, you, Ken, and Emily could have really made some things happen, with Marco helping out as well. But it is not your fault, things happen in life for a reason. Do not be sad, continue life as it is, knowing that iam FINALLY at peace, and smiling down on you. I only pray, that for me, and for your salvation, you will listen to me, and your friend, and turn towards God, it is not easy, it takes discipline, and FAITH, but you are such a strong woman!!! I KNOW that you would make such a wonderful soldier for christ! I also hope that you will slow down...let life come to you, and don’t worry about anything but peace, and happiness for YOU, because you deserve it, YOU deserve it. I have learned that you have spent so much time making others happy, but you need to make stephanie happy...Stephanie is an amazing person.
I love you my friend, you are in my heart. MUAH!

Darren, mate, iam in the zone, iam in the “now”, i learned so much from you at your visit, it’s crazy!! What took you so long to come down!?!? Oh, yea, that was my fault! ;-) Nothing more needs to be said my brother...I just wanted to say one more time that i appreciate everything that you and Shelly did. I love you, and can’t wait to watch the movie from heaven!!

Natalia/Bev, you two really really stepped up at the end, when it mattered. Thank you so so much! Just like everyone else i wish that i had met you a long time ago, you are both wonderful people and i pray that you keep the fight going! Natalia, go for that new life, that new job that your soul and spirit is crying for! Not enough people listen to that inner voice to make a difference. As is obvious, this world NEEDS people to make a difference. You are so intelligent, so caring, and it’s very obvious that you have a big heart, share that with the world! Thank you for everything, thank you Bev for being a part of my life, letting your wonderful daughter be a part of my life. Keep the fight alive, iam just one person, but the death penalty is a evil that stains the world, it must stop.
All my love!! God Bless...

Christina...I regret not being around, if iam not, to see your beautiful baby! You are going to make SUCH a great mother!!! I just hope that one day you will finally realize how much of an amazing woman you truly are, from every single angel!!! You have been so much to me, for me...We are connected, you and me, that cannot change. Iam ALWAYS with you, just like you are always with me. Please, no regrets, because iam not upset at all, i understand that you could not always be there for me, but even when you THOUGHT you were not there for me, you were, trust me. I could always feel your presence. You have been, and always will be, one the of closest person in my life, to my heart. You will forever be my Gangsta Boo!!! ;-) I LOVE YOU

History is made by defining moments...moments that change lives...effect numerous people and how they look at life...But what defines, and defining moment??? We can chose when to make this “change” and that change can affect others. I ask of all, to make my murder, the defining moment in your life, that brings about change. In this, you steal from the state, from those that have hate in their heart, and you win...It makes my life, and my death, mean so much more than it would have. Every person that is touched and changed, in a positive manner, by my death, is a miracle created by this situation. I have had the VERY best lawyers i could EVER asked for...iam supported by the best family, the best friends, and iam an innoncent man, with the evidence that SCREAMS this. So what does this mean?? It means that it’s my time...it means that God is trying to make a point, he is trying to change the world, to use me and my situation as an example. Who are we to argue with HIM??? If HE says it’s my time, then it’s my time, period. Doesn’t matter if i have a thousand lawyers. I fully accept His call, i give myself 100% to Him and go with peace, and love in my heart and mind...Please let my situation spread peace, and love, within each and everyone of you. Make it a goal to make at least ONE person, i would rather 5 but at least one person, to smile or laugh every day. Raise that goal after a week, etc etc and spread the joy that my life, that my death, represents: CHANGE. That’s what i want my death to represent. A change in the way we think, act, live, love, etc...Through this change, we can all make a difference. You have to BELIEVE in it, my friends! Iam sitting here, at 11pm, on the 29th, less than 2 days to live, and i have a smile on my face, joy in my heart! I promise you that it can happen to all of you! and oh, what a wonderful and joyous feeling!?!?!? I have been in good home, i have been without a home at all, i have been loved, i have been raped, but never have i known anything like what i feel today, at this moment! And i just want to give each and everyone of you, in the world, a hug and say, i love you! SMILE! Be JOYOUS!! Why not?? It’s YOUR choice how you feel?? Times are hard, but hell, iam facing my own murder! We can not allow ourselves to be upset about that with which we cannot change...We have bills to pay, everyone hates bills, but they must be paid, yes?? So why allow that to take control of your “now”?? CONTROL your “now” and own it! Say I WILL BE HAPPY!!! I WILL SMILE! And then say IAM NOT TALKING TO MYSELF!!! Hahaha ok, see, i made you laugh, didn’t I ??? it’s that easy! Life is GOOD! Stand outside, and yell LIFE IS GOOD!! You are not crazy but ALIVE! A lot of people walking around are not alive, they just think they are, they are wasting time! Take my death, and CHANGE!!! Understand that not only can you change you, but you can use that change, to help others change! But it MUST start with YOU, that’s right, YOU! Look at my murder and say, this is not right! The politicians, judges, etc in texas, in the world, need to understand this, and send them some prayers, send them some love, and help make a change for the better...don’t yell at them, don’t curse them, don’t think bad thoughts about them, because thats counter productive.

Iam rambilling, and some of you are asleep! ;-) iam never far away, my friends! Think of me, and i will be there...talk to me and i will listen, ask of me something, and i will do my best to make it happen. Iam not leaving the fight, iam going to be with my father, and he’s going to teach me to sail in heaven, and iam going to teach him to play soccer! And together, we will help you bring joy and love to this world that so needs it! I can do more from heaven, than in here, my dear friends! Do not be saddened, but rejoice! I love all of you, never forget...

I will end this, but know this, IF my time comes, at 6pm, on the 1st, i will walk to my death with my head high, my eyes to the sky...and a smile on my face and in my heart!! They can not steal my smile, nor my peace! Just this body!!
In heart and struggle,
I remain with all that i am,

Michael James Perry

April 9th 1982 – July 1st 2010

In which I apologize

Ok, so for all those people who know me, will know that my stance on when it comes to London is essentially fuck off with your opinion because London is a damn sight better than any place you have ever visited/lived/breathed on.

So now I eat my stubborn words.

For there is a greater place...and I am sitting there now.

Montreal.

The land where people fight over which language to speak, think putting cheese and gravy over chips is a 'delicacy', and seem to think that East is actually North.

Anyways, after having just walked on cat sick, I still feel the same way, which is therefore proof that Montreal is better than you, cos I'm still smiling.

Heat wave

Damn this blimin heat wave!!!

Ok so I went many years ago and painted the walls of my room black and even more to my mothers dismay she came home one day to find I'd also varnished the floor of my room black...

Now being the un-educated-in-the-world-of-science-kid that I was at the time, my first thought wasn't..ohh in summer it'll be fine...

Now since about 2004 (and there was a wasps nest right outside my window so I couldn't open it) when I had a first heatwave with a black room, at times I came to realise how much of a fool I was...

I essentially am living in a black body...therefore e=1 (Physics nerds will get it!)

I may migrate to the hallway outside my room as it is at least 10 degrees kooler.

Damn my liking for black!!! Damn this heatwave!!!!

What's to become of us?

I doubt there is no one who has not asked themselves the fundamental question of are we alone in this universe? It's kept scientists, philosophers, and the rest of us awake wondering what is out there. Sometimes it is hard to imagine us, a small blue dot on a black canvas of bright light and clouds as being the only thing in this universe. The idea is truely haunting and lonely, as is the reverse, a universe full of life and wonder of differant forms, most of which we can't possibly imagine.

If we are indeed not alone, then religion will surely be rocked to it's core. This is what bothers me the most. I am a believer in God and so I wonder what his word (if at all spoken) appears like in other worlds that we don't have the ability to communicate with. In heaven or hell, will we meet creatures beyond normal recognition? But then I think, why would God go to all the bother of creating such a vast and vibrant universe if the only living thing in it, was us? Why not make it smaller, to the point we can see the edge and then we would have more evidence of God, afterall we would be wondering what was on the otherside. But then as I write this, I also think, if he did that, the idea of believing in something we can't see would we not have such a strong stance, various things would become more probable than belief.

A number of scientists believe that it is impossible for us to not be alone. Given the vast size of the universe (and no I am not going to comprehend it, for we can't), it's hard to imagine that life somewhere else, maybe under differant conditions from what humans require on earth, have not formed. However, if you look at the probability of us being here it is sooo ridiculously small, with a ridiculously even smaller margin of error. Like if one lil thing was out of balance or whatever, we wouldn't be here, or if we were, we'd be very differant. There may be loads of places in the universe where the conditions are right, but doesn't mean life will start.

And so I wonder, when the Sun swells up and engulfs this beautiful planet, what will happen? If the universe becomes devoid of life in any form, there'll be no one around to give a shit. However, if we aren't alone, then will we have made contact before then? Will whoever witnesses this event record it down in some sort of universe history. Either way, no one will get to hear about the Earth and it's inhabitenats and it's history and beauty, and more importantly the people.

It does make me wonder...

the debate

i swear davis cameron has has botox..... defo wearing make up.

nick clegg is rather kool

gordon brown is rather funny

Part 2:

Nick Clegg is actually nauseating. Why? Well, he keeps saying we need a change from the old parties. He keeps trying to be emphathetic tooo much, and appears to be playing too much on emotions eurgh. He seems to discredit the other parties policies without really saying enough about his, he was doing this in the last debate.

Part 3:

Well, Mr Brown may be prone to gaffs (as was shown by calling a woman a bigot), but hey he has strong knowledge and experience of how to handle the economy, and right now, that's what we need, someone that can help our dire economy... go Gordon Brown! Also he doesn't talk with a lot of air

I'm starting to get the impression that Nick Clegg talks at you.. not kool. I love the way he keeps trying to act as if he is the peacemaker and still using the emotional card, and then when he can't answer a question, turns it back around on whoever asked it. And then keeps saying everyone has got it all wrong... EURGH!!!!








I've been finding the debates intriguing, and I like learning about what the parties have to offer me, but at the same time, I can't help but think, oh good, you say you'll be able to do all these things for me, but in reality, can they actually do them? Maybe on white paper, but just cos it works on paper doesn't mean it'll happen in the real world I've done enough physics questions to know that theory doesn't always mirror reality. Like stuff happens that we can't predict and our resources have to be diverted right?

Take the 9/11, I don't know whether or not it could of been stopped but either way, a lot of time, and money was diverted to what we now know to be wars and stuff... I doubt the running parties would of factored in wars to their manifestos.

I get the impression that of the three leaders, Brown is being the most sensible. Some people argue that we could of stopped the economic crisis we are in, or it could of been less severe. If you look at our economy, we rely heavily on imports, we export little, therefore anything that happens in other countries economies would of affected ours. This is what happens in a globalised world. I don't support socialism, but Russia because it is a closed economy suffers a lot less, just a note.
THis will be continued, but I got lectures to go to!

Prisoners

For a while now, I've known that a friend of mine, Michael Perry, of Polunsky Unit, Texas, is to be executed by lethal injection on 1st July 2010. A number of people reading this, may even look him up, and say well he deserves it. I've read into his case and I've read a lot about the legal system in America, and I believe that his execution (Should it go ahead) is wrong.

I've a number of friends in prison, and a couple I've kept in contact with a couple when they got out. Ok granted, they both went back in, one a number of times too... But at the end of the day, I know these people and yeah they may have done some bad things, but I can easily say, some of the most genuine people you could ever meet are people on the inside. Why do I say this? They are all blunt and to the point, they know that sometimes I may feel upset by their words, but I know deep down they are being honest with me. These people are some of the most beautiful human beings I have ever met in my life. One of them, in all honesty, if it weren't for him, I doubt I'd be doing physics are uni right now. He really opened my eyes to physics and showed me soo much wonder.

They've done bad things, and they are the first to admit it, but because of that, they try so hard to better themselves, to be better people. They want to show the world they are not worthless, but are full of potential, and it's beautiful to see just how hard some try. I get the impression that if it weren't for prison they wouldn't be the humans they are now. Because their world closed in on them, they want to do all they can to create a better life for themselves. How many people make an effort to improve themself when they have everything to distract them? Lord knows how many times I've tried to do something but stopped because I had nothing pushing me.

These people may not have many friends on the outside, and so they will cling to any friendship that comes their way. Some of the loveliest things people have said about me are from people in prison. And no they aren't trying to butter me up either, because they'e also been preetty honeest about some of my lesser traits. They know that it's not worth lying to me, or doing anything untoorde, cos they'll lose out in the end. Sometimes I've been given advice that I really didn't want to hear, but they were just being honest, and the amount of times I've said, no your wrong.. and in the end turns out they are right. These people have gained soo much life experience from being in prison. I'm not saying all prisoners are lovely people, You do get a lot of rotten apples in there, and maybe I just lucked out..but I hate it when my friends say bad things against them, judging them purely on their crime. That's not the person.

My friends have made my some really lovely things which I keep in my room. One is rather good at art, and I always done this fancy writing on the front of envelopes and would make me really nice cards. Another did loads of drawings and granted some I found kinda creepy, but they were still really good. Another opened my onto a spritiual path where I found inner peace and a better way of dealing with things.

musings

Ok, so lets say you hurt someone really badly but in your opinon you didn't cause it, yet everyone else seems to think you have. Why do you feel that it isn't your fault? I was thinking about this, and the best answer I could come up with is responsibility. Unless you take responsibilty for something, you won't feel like you have done anything wrong. Which then begs the question, Do we have to take responsibility for something? Like if you fuck around with someone mentally/emotionally, do you have to take responsibilty for what you did or can you legitimately not give a fuck?

Takes the piss part 2

...According to Matt I make a particular face when I am pissed off...

Anyways, lets see

March 19th: Leeds to London, then London to Glasgow

March 23rd: Glasgow to Leeds

March 25th: Leeds to Glasgow

March 30th: Glasgow to Leeds, Then Leeds to Glasgow (except this time, Stuck outside Darlington for 30mins stuck outside Newcastle for an hour, Stuck at Newcastle for another hour, Stuck outside Berwick for 2 hours, stuck at Berwick for 1.5 hours, Taken back to Newcastle, then put in a taxi to Glasgow which took 4 hours, all in all, took just under 13 hours to go from Leeds to Glasgow). In total 17.5 hours on trains in the space of 24 hours

April 2nd: Glasgow to London, only got delayed this time by an hour


PS: Numerous plants died due to all their transportation all over the country...

Death

For a long time I thought that my attitude towards violence and death was blazae. Why? Well, it's not secret that I know some people who have done bad things, snuffed out lives, hurt others, been killed etc. I really thought I was immune to it all. The way I would talk about a number of my friends, it was as if, what they have done was nothing serious.

Violence, and killing I viewed as an everyday thing. Every time a friend held a letter that had been written by a friend who had killed someone, they would always say, I'm holding something that someone has touched and with their own hands wrote, the same hands that killed someone. My attitude would be, yeah so what...

Today, I saw a guy who had tried to kill himself. His body landed directly opposite me. It wasn't the prettiest of sites, and I am glad it was dark. The guy didn't die, and he was in a bad way, and I dunno, something happened within me. I was staring at this guy, and I was sooo concerned, there was nothing I could do and all I could do was stare. I felt so helpless, and all my thoughts were for his safety. I prayed for him. I prayed that he would be ok, not maybe physically, but I prayed that he would in a while, find help he needs and be in a good place mentally and emotionally.

Before people came to his aide, I was just staring at his body on the tracks thinking, how easy it is to snuff out a life. The guy wasn't dead, but I just thought all humans are miracles, I am soo in awe when I hear just how complex and fascinating the human body is, and how each life is precious and sacred and how wonderful each person is. I was thinking how could someone want to do that to themselves. I'm not saying they were being selfish or anything, but I just can't begin to understand what someone must be going through to want to do that to themselves.

Of all the emotions I could of felt, I felt vulnerable. I realised within myself, this hard exterior I'd built to protect myself from violence wasn't actually real. A guy I know is on death row, and I said to myself, one day this guy won't be here, so I shall not allow myself to get caught up and to allow myself to grieve when he does go. I felt open and vulnerable, I'd seen someone try to kill themself, it was real. I couldn't ignore just how powerful death could be, and I wanted to cry.

I also felt vulnerable because I realised just how fragile life is.. how fragile my life is, and at the end of the day, death isn't a mental or emotional thing, it's a physical thing. Death doesn't care how clever you are, or how witty you are, or how good a player you are. No, death is just about permanently stopping everything physical.

Thinking about it now, I've no idea whether that guy died later or not, afterall he would of lost a lot of blood. If he did, I'd feel bad. I was staring at these people helping him, thinking for the love of god, put something on him, he'll go into shock otherwise (it had been snowing and was realllly cold), and they weren't doing anything to stem the blood. I just remained on the train...

When you're young, you think oh look, I'm invincible, I won't die for years and years and years, I don't need to think about death. I dunno, just seeing it, someone wanting it that badly, and trying it... welll...

Dear Diana,

I remember when we first got you as a kitten. I was horrified that my mother kept swinging your cage as we took you home. Clearly mother was walking as she usually did forgetting the delicate creature she was holding. You were very scared. So scared that you hid behind the piano for a few days, finally venturing out when you realised that the piano probably didn't taste that great. I finally got to meet you. Father didn't think we had a kitten as he couldn't see you. Now he gets to see you all the time.

Choosing you over your sister was very hard. In the pet shop, you and your sister were both sitting next to each other on a ledge by the cashdesk. I didn't know how to pick, I ended up picking the one looking most sad. I think in the end that was the best decision I made.

You once annoyed everyone in the house. You peed on my coat didn't you. You were only a kitten and you were still very new and small, and had yet to be trained. Now you know better don't you! Mother was very angry, and I don't think I ever wore that coat again. Never mind eh!

You were so cute and everyone remarked on how beautiful you were. You loved attention, always rubbing up against someone's leg! You still do... and you know who will always give you attention!

You were always so affectionate and welcoming. Whenever we came home, you would all of a sudden appear and walk the last few paces to the front door with us, stick your tail up at us to say hello, greet us and then scamper back off to wherever you were playing. Before the new house there was no cat flap, so you would position yourself at the window nearest the door and wait patiently, only meowing to be let in when it was raining...and who can blame ya!

Ha, you loved playing with belts. I use to take one of father's belts hanging up and shake it around so it looked all snake like, and you would try and grab it between your paws... I found it to be soo cute when you stood on your hind legs reaching up. Watching you play was always a joy. You loved to roll around on your back, exposing your stomach...but dare anyone come near... a few scratches remind me of that! When you got into your hunting pose, I knew that a mouse somewhere should start saying it's prayers. Luckily for me, I've never had to see one of the many corpse's you brought back. However, your hunting skills did come into play when we had a mouse in the house. Being you, you teased the poor mouse, catching it, letting it go, then catching it, and then killing it. You also liked to go back to your instincts everytime we slying slipped you some meat from the table. You'd drag it out of your bowl and take it to a far corner of the room and eat it. We always use to find trails....

I remember when you got really ill in July 2008. I'd been away for a few days and I came back to find you limping across the kitchen. One paw raised and you in clear agony. I got very angry and demanded to know why you hadn't been taken to the vets sooner. I got some crummy response, but you got taken the next day. Man how I wanted to cry when I saw that pitiful sight. You'd been stabbed in the foot, and it had got all infected. When they brought you back from the vets you were all woozy and shaky with a buster collar. You really didn't like that, and kept licking the see-through collar thinking it was your skin. I can't imagine your tongue liked that! As I'd be away over the coming days the parents put you in my room. Now I know I don't have a bed anymore, but when I did it was over a metre high. Given that you couldn't walk cos your foot had all been bandaged up, and your little tray was on the floor, you peed all over my bed and it wasn't noticed until I got back and climbed into my bed. Thanks to you, I had a sleeping bag for 6 months, when mother finally caved and got me a new duvet. I didn't mind too much... I was glad you were better...

Seeing you now is agony. I can see you are in soo much pain, as your organs slowly go into failiure. But as ever, you are patient and kind and considerate of others and so sleep continuously without complaining. I can't imagine or understand what it must be like for you, to not want to go out to play, or eat, or drink, or do anything. I guess sleep is the only thing which gives you comfort. I feel foolish for not demanding the parents take you to the vets sooner as I thought it might of been this for a while. I should of protested more at the parents only ever giving you dry food. I guess your change in behaviour should of alerted me to it. You hate leaving the kitchen, you have your spot and dare anyone take it. But then you didn't want to be in the kitchen and would go all over the house, going through all the rooms and all the nooks and cranny's. I figured, your trying to do something, I don't know what, but I'll try and convince the parents to let you wander if you want, even though they hated the fact your shedding ridiculous amounts of fur. I suppose the tufts that are continously falling out and have been for months should of told us something was wrong. I tried looking stuff up and apparently cats when they are going to die, look for somewhere quiet, so I figured that was what you were doing and if that's what you wanted, then you were going to have it.... But now you are too ill to even do that. I know I can't make you comfortable and healthy but I pray that they can fix you. You've been around too long to go and I love you too much to let you go.

You are such a beautiful cat Diana, and you show everyone affection, even Bruce although he contstantly teases you and tries to force you out of the house. For 13 years, you are still the size of a kitten, and if any cat dared hurt you, I would get very angry at them! Probably the reason why none of them sit on our shed anymore! It's your shed. I do remember you once found your way in there, and mother was surprised to see you sitting at the window as you couldn't get out. Silly thing! You always had a habit of going to random places every now and then. Sometimes I'd open my door, step out, and there you were curled up into a ball on the floor. You only ever seemed to leave the kitchen willingly once a month!...