Sore Throats

I can easily say that my sore throat has got worse dammit. I went out last night with Luke, and Matt and drank quite a bit.. urg!.. I'm going to be 19 on the 20th..oh hello.. I get them so easily though. I can run for a bit, and get one, anything can go down on my lungs, it's annoying.

Anyways, now is the most ideal time to write what I was going to write, no distractions and all.

Right, well I'm over him, in the sense that I'm over him..(actually I don't know what that means, but I feel it, which is good enough!). However, what I'm not over, and what I think was the crux of me going off on one, is purely the fact that I miss him as a friend. I miss him dearly as that, and that is all.

I can do the whole casual sex thing, I prefer it. I'd no desire really to be with him, I just liked him, that is all. Though the feelings ran very very deep, and I guess as much as I could handle it, it would have been easier if I didn't have those feelings. But I did, and being in denial about it, really didn't help.

I know I was very mean/horrible to him, and I know that I can't take it back, all I can do, is feel sorry about it. I do feel sorry about it. I guess, I reacted that way cos I was hurt, and I guess lashing out is the easiest thing to do. I was upset that I was losing him as a friend, and I didn't help the situation. I guess that although I could see what I was doing was destructive, my emotions got the better of me.

I spoke to him recently on the phone, and it was awkward for me, and him I could sense. But I'm in a good place now, and I can see everything clearly. I think one of my friend's was right, you gotta wait for the mental seasons to change. But I'd like to know him as a friend, cos he is a kool person... BOOYAH!.. got it in one!