Domestic Goddess? Nah- I'll pass you on!

For the first time in my life, laziness has actually screwed me over and I am not proud....my favourite dress is now lying in some landfill site in Newham.

I've managed to get through life being pretty lazy. I can count on one hand the number of times I have made a bed, and the same goes for having used a washing machine. Sadly I can't feine ignorance, I do know how to do both these things, but luckily the magic pixie fairies do these things for me. I made my bed twice in the first year of university. Yup twice, and I didn't even bother getting an undersheet for many months, it was only after a friend kept saying it was disgusting that I got one. I can make a bed, I just don't want to. Given that I am the only person sleeping in that bed too, I don't see why I should bother making it if it doesn't bother me. Being a domestic goddess could be my forte, if I cared.

So I get back from my travels around Canada and The USA and of course, after nearly two months EVERYTHING has to go into the wash. Que me walking around in cocktail dresses for a few days, and clothes that clearly hadn't seen the light of day in years. And with good reason to.

So on the rare occasion I am sitting there in the living room, enjoying a bit of Friends on the old soap box, there I see it. Looking into the conservatory, a whole row of dripping wet clothes, all hung up, and all purple. YES Purple! Everything was dyed purple!!! I run into there and see to my utter horror that it included my favourite, extremely delicate, very expensive dress!

Employing the knowledge I had of bleach, I ran out to spend a whole 91p on the cheapest bottle of bleach in Co-Op, and come back to fill a bucket with boiling hot water, and half a bottle of the stuff and dropped one of the dresses in. Now, I told friends my plans and they believed it wouldn't work. Well I can safely say, my once white dress that went a horrible shade of mauve is now whiter than white, even if it does smell very much of lime zest bleach!

So here comes the crux, the all important using of the washing machine. I pretty much figured my favourite dress in the whole wide world couldn't be saved, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to do justice to it, and damn well try! I did the only thing I could think of (which turns out to be wrong), and shooved it back in the washing machine on the hottest setting possible and ran several cycles until I admitted defeat. Yes, I used a washing machine, all by myself! No I did not fill the room with soapy suds (I did however use a ridiculous amount of vanish so the entirety of the washing machine drum was filled with bubbles with one single flimsy dress swimming around in it), no I did not have water draining all over the floor, and no the colour of my dress did not improve.

So adios fine friend, I shall lament the many great memories we shared :-(