Death...again!

I find death an intriguing thing. Mainly because I wonder what it feels like, what happens after death, and what is death really?

I find it odd how someone can be there one second and then not anymore. When my friend died, I was very much aware of his death and was/am still very upset by it, but at the same time it feels soo surreal. Some guy who I've written letters to, shared private details about my life with, well it's hard to imagine him gone. Afterall, I never met the guy, never heard his voice etc. At the end of the day he was a friend a good friend. But all I had were his letters written with his hands. It's surreal to think that the hands that wrote these letters aren't there. That another letter from him won't appear on my doormat. It's soo surreal because it feels soo far away what happened. It's weird to think of him gone. I have all the letters he ever wrote and it just feels odd really odd. If I was to write a letter to Polunsky it would still feel like he was getting them, when in reality they would most likely end up in the bin.

I was at a funeral yesturday and it was such an odd reality to be in. My grandmother was someone I remember from my childhood vividly. Someone who would always make sandwiches and have horses at the bottom of her garden. Always sit on a particular seat and always walk us to the bus/train station when we left. It's an odd feeling not to think of them still doing these things, not being alive I suppose. What scared me even more was the idea of a cremation. A body that was once alive, full of memories, experiences, opinons a WHOLE life, going up in flames as if the body meant nothing. Y'know this was a person, someone important and you've essentially taken a match to them.

I'm not trying to take away any respect from the dead or anything, I just find the whole thing bizarre. You spent gosh knows how many years on this planet, walking around, doing whatever, living a life, creating friendships/love etc, and at the end of the day, you end up in some box... Just seems VERY disrespectful of the person's life.