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Happiness
It just occurred to me that maybe my approach in previous discussions about happiness is flawed. Not necessarily wrong (there is no defining wrong or right, its all subjective remember!, so hack my opinions to pieces if you want), but could be improved upon.
For a long time, I guess I always assumed, we should do things that we think would make us happy, a particular job, friends, money etc. However, there is a flaw to this. We do things which we THINK will make us happy. We therefore, don’t know whether they will or not until we have actually done them. What if they don’t? We are usually then just stuck in a cycle, thats hard to break from, for several reasons. Currently I have zero idea what makes me happy, but I know what doesn’t make me happy and so I’ve decided to try and do my best to avoid doing stuff which makes me unhappy, but this is difficult.
Pretty much, everytime I leave a bar, I am unhappy, I have to lie in bed for a couple of days, feeling like complete and utter crap, my self-esteem has hit rock bottom, I am snappy, irritated, generally someone to avoid. Why? Because I hate the way its a bloody meat market, you are just looked at as someone to fuck, not as a person, not someone they want to get to know, just as a bit of meat screw and never contact again. How depressing is that? Anyways, that causes me to be so down, but I still go to bars, knowing damn well what the outcome is going to be. So why do I still do it, if I know it won’t make me smile? Its called a comfort zone, you don’t necessarily have to like where you are, but you know how it will end, and its the whole risk, the fear of the unknown that keeps one trapped inside it. Therefore, I either need to adapt, or stop it. Again which is the easier?
However, thankfully, there are some things, I know will make me unhappy before doing them. Sex for example. I know that if I was to sleep around, have several guys on the go at once, I would not be happy. I would lose all self-respect, feel like crap, lose my dignity, and self-worth. I know I would feel hollow and unsatisfied and therefore would never do it. I however do have needs, and therefore, will sleep with the same guy continuously, but it would just be one guy. That would make me happy. I know though, that I can’t trust myself to even try sleeping with several guys, one night stands etc to just say I’ve been there, done that, got the cum filled t-shirt either. I know that once I have started something, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Again, I would be stuck in a cycle that I wouldn’t know how to break, again because the fear of the unknown, the risk, the change, etc. It would be too much, and therefore, would stick at something that makes me unhappy. And if your not happy, what is life worth?
I am the worst person to get advice from; I am no model when it comes to life, and so I am not going to start saying change your ways. That’s dumb, what works for me, won’t necessarily work for someone else. I guess my conclusion to this post, for me avoiding what I know makes me unhappy, leaves me contented. Not necessarily happy, but not unhappy either, which is better than being unhappy right!
